How to Be Kind to Yourself: 10 Tips for Putting an End to Self-Criticism

If you’re hard on yourself, you probably don’t realize it. It might seem like you’re being productive by keeping an eye out for your mistakes and holding yourself to an impossibly high standard, but it’s actually bad for your health to criticize yourself all the time. Take some time today to learn how to be kind to yourself by following these 10 tips that will help you stop punishing yourself and allow you to reach your potential with less stress and more ease!

1) Don’t Take Things Personally

It’s not all about you. The world is not out to get you, despite how it may seem at times. And regardless of how much or little success you’ve had with your goals, those in your life—friends, family members and colleagues—are rooting for you. The next time something goes wrong in your life and self-doubt starts creeping in, remind yourself that there are bigger things going on than any one failure. Don’t let other people’s words or actions pull you down; move forward with a positive attitude toward new opportunities and experiences. Feeling like no one believes in you? Remind yourself that even if they don’t say so explicitly, people do believe in you. They just don’t always know how to show it.

2) Be Your Own Cheerleader

When you don’t have a teammate, coach or parent there to boost your spirits when you’re struggling with your goals, take it upon yourself to be supportive of your own progress. Tell yourself that you’re awesome! Compliment yourself on what you are doing well, and then use those points as fuel for making more positive choices. Remember, your mind is one of your most powerful tools in reaching success—you can make it work FOR you or AGAINST you. You choose! So cheer yourself on, and then watch how quickly things begin to change. If you keep up these new habits long enough, they will become second nature. It takes time to develop new habits, but before long you’ll find yourself thinking about things differently without even trying. Congratulations! You just rewired your brain. This process works if you stick with it over time because changing your thoughts really does lead to changing your life.

3) Accept That There Will Always be Good and Bad Days

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Everybody has good and bad days, so it's best not to expect perfection from yourself. Realize that you are working toward your goals one day at a time. If you can look back on any given day as a success because you gave it your all, then there is no reason to judge yourself negatively. Remember that every setback is just a set up for a comeback! Give Yourself Credit Where It’s Due: Many of us tend to take our talents and abilities for granted, which often leads us down a self-defeating path where we feel like we have nothing going for us in life. To put an end to self-criticism, give yourself credit when you deserve it. Did you finally make a breakthrough in school or work? Did you successfully complete a project or finish something that had been hanging over your head? You deserve some credit for those accomplishments! Learn From Your Mistakes: No matter how many times you fail, keep trying until you succeed. Failure doesn't mean that something is wrong with you; it means that something needs improvement. There will always be people who will try to tear others down by saying things like you're failing or you'll never amount to anything. But don't listen to them; instead, learn from their mistakes and do better next time around.

4) Know That it Is Not About Perfection

The truth is, everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has their bad days. Your goal should be to work on improving yourself, not judging and criticizing yourself whenever you fall short of some impossible standard. The more pressure you put on yourself to succeed and perform perfectly, the less likely you are to push yourself in ways that will lead to success down the road. So instead of spending so much time thinking about what you should be doing or beating yourself up when things don’t go your way, spend that time figuring out how you can do better next time. Do whatever it takes so that moving forward from failure becomes your new habit! For example, maybe today you didn't have a great workout because your mind was somewhere else. That's okay; tomorrow's another day. Maybe you got a little flustered at work today and missed a deadline—that happens to all of us sometimes! Don't let it bring you down; just keep trying until things get back on track. Once they do, pat yourself on the back for having gotten through that rough patch successfully and then move onto something else. Over time, if we learn to be kinder with ourselves as we're working toward our goals rather than putting unrealistic expectations on ourselves in advance, we'll feel more satisfied with our progress along the way—and have a lot more fun getting there too!

5) Catch Yourself in the Moment

When you catch yourself in that headspace, take a deep breath and ask yourself some questions. What’s really happening here? What are you really trying to achieve? Do I really have time/energy/motivation right now? How would I feel if I did what I wanted right now? And most importantly, how can I give myself a break in today’s moment? In many cases, we only hurt ourselves by being hard on ourselves. Letting go of self-criticism is one of those things that sounds easy but is actually quite difficult—but it’s so worth it! If you notice your inner critic coming out when facing something new or challenging, try these tips to help put an end to self-criticism once and for all.

6) Forgive Yourself

Some days, we’re not going to be able to fit in all our planned workouts or eat as well as we should. But guess what? That’s okay! If you have a bad day of healthy eating, don’t kick yourself. Instead, remind yourself that it was a bad day and that you can do better tomorrow. It sounds simple, but being hard on ourselves is one of our biggest challenges when trying to achieve our goals. Make sure you give yourself a break every now and then by practicing forgiveness—it’ll make it much easier for you to stick with your healthy habits in other areas of your life. Give up on perfectionism because there is no such thing! There will always be something that comes up and stops us from achieving everything we want to. Being hard on yourself will just take away your motivation and make you give up more easily. Let go of negative thoughts about yourself by replacing them with positive ones instead! Focus on how great you feel after exercising or sticking to a healthy diet, rather than beating yourself up over missed workouts or splurges.

7) Value You as Much as You Value Others

The old adage is true. You can’t love someone else until you love yourself. Of course, it goes both ways—you can’t truly value others until you value yourself as well. If you constantly berate or put down yourself, how will you be able to treat others with respect? It all comes back to your self-worth and esteem. This has nothing to do with positive thinking and everything to do with forming positive relationships with yourself and others. So if you struggle with feeling like a failure in any part of your life, it might help to talk things through with a trusted friend or counselor first before trying anything else out on your own.

8) Learn From Mistakes

You’re going to make mistakes. That’s part of being human. The trick is to learn from them—and be as kind as possible when you mess up. Give yourself some slack and figure out how you can do better next time. Being hard on yourself or pressuring yourself will only make you feel worse, but making a concerted effort to be understanding and forgiving of your own shortcomings will help you refocus on reaching your goals instead of wasting energy berating yourself for past mistakes.

9) Listen to Your Inner Voice, But Also Get Outside Advice

If you’re struggling with being hard on yourself, know that you’re not alone. In fact, a lot of professionals struggle with self-criticism; so if it feels overwhelming or insurmountable, don’t be afraid to seek help from someone outside of your situation. Whether it’s talking about your problems with a friend, or even just asking another opinion from someone who has gone through what you are going through—seeking advice will often ease up some of that guilt.

10) Surround Yourself with People Who Support You

When you start your own business, there’s no one but yourself holding you accountable. And it can be so easy to fall back into old habits like eating more or working longer than we should. When that happens, ask a friend to check in with you. It will help keep you on track and feeling supported—which can make all the difference when it comes to self-care and motivation.